What Else Is There?
by monkeygrl123
Summary: Sam's just tired of it all. Who will stop her from taking her life? Warning: Suicidal thoughts/actions. Seddie


**DISCLAIMER: I don't own iCarly. I just want to write. ;]**

**What Else Is There?**

**Rainy**

**First fic. Don't be mean, please.**

I just sat there watching as Freddie stared at Carly with _those_ eyes, you know, those eyes that just scream, "_I love you!_,"and asked her out. _Again_. And saw Carly had rejected him. _Again_. I felt like someone had just taken a fork and rammed it in my heart and twisted it, over and over again. I don't know _why_ I felt this way, but I just knew that I had to get out of there.

I changed my face, got up, and went to the door and said, "Cya later, Carls, Freddork." When I got in the elevator, my eyes watered. When I got to the lobby, the salty water was running down my face. When I got to the sidewalk, I started running down the street and just let myself be overwhelmed by my hurt feelings and cry my eyes out.

I didn't know where I was going. I didn't care. All I knew was that I had to get away.

Before long, I found myself at the park and it was dark and the moon was shining down through the clouds. I sat down and leaned against a tree, watching the moon and thinking, _Why do I have to feel this way? When did this all start?_ Then, with a jolt, I remembered. _The kiss._ It was when this first started. When I started feeling this… this…._Love_ _for _Fredward Benson. _Ugh, did I just think love?_

No matter how much I tried to deny it, I couldn't. I knew that I had fallen head over heels for Freddie Benson. Even before the kiss I'd been able to keep that feeling locked away. But the kiss unlocked it, and it was slowly making me feel this towards Freddie.

There was only two large things keeping me from confessing this realization to him right at this moment and that was:

_One: Freddie loves Carly._

_Two: I'm _Sam Puckett. _I'm the tough, non-feeling, meat-loving, demon that everyone despises/is scared of. I can't just suddenly show I had feelings for the dork._

I put my head between my knees and started crying all over again, trying so much harder to lock all these feelings away again. I hated crying. It made me feel so _weak._ But I couldn't stop. I just couldn't.

About an hour later I got up and started walking home. Home to my demonic mother, the mother who drinks and abuses me on a daily basis.

Thanks to Carly for teaching me how to use subtle makeup to cover my bruises and cuts, no one has been able to find out. Yet.

I unlocked my door and stepped inside and took an immediate scan of the room and found my mom standing just a few feet from me, looking at me with drunken eyes, and I knew what was going to happen next.

There was nothing I could do to stop it. No matter what I did, I still couldn't get strong enough to fight back. So I just laid there and took the beating. Then my mother did nothing she has ever done before.

She took a broken beer bottle and started to cut me all over. I stayed conscious for the whole thing and I couldn't move. Not a muscle. Well except for my heart of course. But now wouldn't be a good time for jokes would it?

My mom was finally done with my torture and got up from her position and left to her room to sleep.

I was in pain. So much pain. I laid there for what felt like hours. I just couldn't take this anymore.

I drug myself to the kitchen. _I can't take it. _

I hefted myself up to the counter. _Why bother?_

I grabbed a knife. _What else is there?_

I closed my eyes and was about to plunge the knife into my chest when I heard a voice. "SAM?"Not just any voice, either. _It can't be._

I opened my eyes and saw none other than Freddie Benson. The same Freddie Benson that I loved to physically and emotionally harm. The same Freddie Benson that I _loved._

I couldn't help it. The tears started to flow down my face as I stared at him. He came towards me and took the knife out of my hand. He then picked me up and carried me towards the bathroom and cleaned my cuts and bandaged me. After that he carried me to the couch, moved all the junk away, and sat down and cradled me to his chest. I had finally stopped crying and looked up at him.

His eyes stared down at me. His wonderful chocolate, brown eyes that I loved. His eyes held sadness, disbelief, and something that was similar to when he looked at Carly but different somehow. _Can't be._

"Why are you here?" I said quietly.

He put me down to sit up on the couch and said, "I was worried when you left. You looked so sad. I said bye to Carly and went out to look for you, but you were gone. I searched for you for hours but I couldn't find you so I went to look for you at your house. When I stepped in, guess what I saw?" He stood up and his voice got louder, "I saw you about to commit suicide without saying goodbye. Why did you do that Sam? Why did you want to do that to yourself?"

I stood up too, "You want to know why?" I screamed. "I wanted to kill myself because I had an abusing mother waiting for me every other day to come home and abuse! I had to live through it! Did you think I enjoyed it? I also loved you, Freddie Benson! But you loved CARLY! Do you know just how much it hurt to see you stare at her with those _I love you _eyes? I just couldn't take it anymore!" I started sobbing, "I don't want to feel this way anymore. It's just too much to take."

Freddie looked at me with eyes that I couldn't read. Then he opened his mouth.

"You think I loved Carly in that way? I loved her as a sister. I only asked her out to keep up appearances. I started loving someone else. And that person is sitting right standing in front of me."

My head shot up. "What?"

He looked at me right into my eyes and said, "I love you Samantha Puckett. And I think I always have. What I had with Carly was a simple crush."

Tears started flowing out of my eyes again. _I've been crying a lot in one day._ I ran into his waiting arms, looked up into his eyes and said,

"I love you, too, Fredward Benson."

He started to lean down and then all of a sudden, I felt his lips touch mine, and the fireworks exploded behind my eyes and all I could feel was pure bliss. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him in closer. He tightened his grip on my waist and did the same. I smiled into the kiss. I thought, _"This is where I should be. Right here in his arms."_

**I know. Not very original, but I just wanted to get the suicidal feelings out of my chest(don't ask.)**

**Hope you liked it. RxR**

**Rainy**


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